3 Ingredients for Spiritual Healing from Codependency, People Pleasing, and Toxic Relationships
3 Ingredients for Spiritual Healing from Codependency, People Pleasing, and Toxic Relationships
“Prioritize myself” is most likely on your to-do list for 2024…. and if it’s not, you know it should be. While better self-care might be on your radar, actually doing it consistently (i.e. without the guilt and fear around what others will think) is the real work ahead of you. Harnessing the power of a holistic spiritual practice is the key to making sure all your needs, desires, and energy are finally recognized and respected. And no one else can set this in motion for you. So what does it really look like to use spirituality consistently and effectively?
I’m all about keeping my strategies as powerful and simple as possible, and since I’ve mastered my 3-part spiritual healing process, I want to help YOU by sharing the three pillars I’m focusing on as I revamp my Relationship Revamp process this fall.
The premise is simple - if it’s not easy to understand, execute, and repeat, we don’t want it. Spiritual healing is less about doing the most, and more about demystifying spiritual work so you can work less and let your intuition lead the way. The point of spiritual healing is saving you from overthinking and emotional turmoil so that your past experiences can become a source of wisdom and strength.
Step into your most authentic, confident self this fall with these three spiritual healing strategies that’ll help clear your emotional blocks and strengthen your intuition so you can experience the confidence and self-love you’ve been dreaming about!
01) Identity Check
Getting super honest about how you’re being day to day can tell you A LOT about where you’re still running the self-abandonment software! You know that the way you used to show up in relationships was toxic , but what most people don’t know is that the way they think, speak, and act, outside of relationships is what keeps them stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, codependency, and toxic dynamics. What you say and how you say it, the way you think about the world and your place in it, and the behaviors that follow, all greatly impact what you become a match for. However you are being toward yourself will determine the kind of treatment you accept from others.
So, take time to examine not only what your past relationships have been like and what the other person did ‘wrong’, but also how you engage with yourself on a whole and how you played a role in creating those relationship dynamics. Get clear about what you’re searching for versus what you’ve been getting. What thoughts, words, and behaviors would the version of you in the dream relationship be having?
You can learn a lot about how to get what you want by taking a closer look at what you don’t want and identifying how you were asking for it through your way of being. You don’t have to totally reinvent yourself, once you’ve identified the major blocks, they can be cleared at the source (your primitive mind) with simple and complete subconscious reprogramming tools that create lasting shifts. Then you gain full access to your intuition so you can to step into who you actually are with confidence!
02) Activate the True You
It’s totally normal to feel like you need to analyze how others are being and label things to make sure you don’t get fooled or hurt again — but that can actually over complicate your thoughts and fail to deliver the healing you’re looking for. Your True Self embodiment efforts can actually be way quicker, more complete AND simple when it comes to breaking free of the need for external validation. After all - if you want to step into your most powerful, authentic self - you can’t be playing the victim card anymore.
Create an ‘avatar’ with all the characteristics, qualities, and perspectives that you would like to have. Start by thinking about other people you admire or identifying the ‘opposites’ of some of your least desirable traits, habits, and tendencies. Look at a few different categories or areas of life (professional, physical, social, etc) that may or may not be obviously related to your relationship experiences.
These are the pillars of your total self and likely what have been overlooked when it comes to your way of being. Remember - the small things add up to the status quo. Imagine a regular day from start to finish - what does the Truest ‘Youest’ You do? How do they think, speak, act, eat, listen, move, rest, create, communicate, etc?
Once you’ve gotten in touch with your true self, it’s time to start acting like them! Select a few things you can start doing today and just like building a muscle - do some reps. Act as if you are this person now. It might feel a little weird and unfamiliar, until it doesn’t. Whatever you repeatedly do, becomes easier and more and more automatic.
Focus on just 1 or 2 behaviours at a time until they become a part of who you’re being on a daily basis. Come back to your avatar and continually refine and revamp it based on your current situation. And remember - contrast causes clarity. So you will always have new challenges and opportunities to expand beyond your current reality - the key is to recognize there’s always room for improvement and get into the habit of asking yourself: ‘what is this situation here to show me about where I can be even more of who I came here to be?’. When you can get good at this, you’ll find that what you’re attracting and attracted to, gets a major upgrade so you become a magnet for high quality connections.
03) Master the Art of Receiving
You could potentially waste a lot of time still trying to make something happen once you’ve activated your true self if you don’t master the subtle art of receiving (a.k.a - doing less). Ironically this can be the hardest part for us recovering people-pleasers and codependents. As much as we’ve yearned for reciprocity, support and EASE in our relationships, we never got to experience the feeling of it and therefore become conditioned to always take matters into our own hands. Naturally, the default is going to action to make sh*t happen. Even for non-people pleasers. This is the ‘advanced’ spiritual work. As one of my favourite teachings goes: ‘it’s not difficult, it’s different’. In other words, once the subconscious is clear and the true self has been activated, there’s nothing left to do. If you just maintain the stance of true self (keep your spirit/vibration up) the ‘energetic algorithm’ will do the rest and literally bring you only ‘high-vibrational’ people, things, and experiences that match with who you really are.
What you’re looking for here is a consistent commitment to your higher self. When this becomes automatic, not only will you manifest the things you’ve dreamt of, but you will be inspired by new ideas and contrast and will be able to ‘quantum leap’ into possibilities that you wouldn’t have even been able to conceive of in the days of people pleasing and codependency. But the goal here is to chase less and notice more of what’s coming to you.
To help get you into the feeling of receivership, try making a list of 5-10 ways you could pull your energy out of making things happen. My examples of this are: noticing but not reacting to things that bother me - instead I just think of what I would like to have happen and assume that what’s happening now is on the way to that; or instead of thinking about what’s missing - I make lists of what’s going well and where I’m winning; and my fav - meditating instead - whenever I’m feeling compelled to take action but the energy is forceful or frantic, I sit my butt down until I receive the answers I need in the form of clarity, inspiration, and or indifference.
I think of this work as maintenance. Just like a luxury car - you want to keep up with regular maintenance right? No difference here.
Spiritual Healing Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
Having a simple approach to the way you think, feel, act, react, and interact can literally supercharge your healing journey so you’re spending minimal time working on yourself and your relationships, and are, instead, giving yourself the time, energy, and opportunity to ENJOY your life! Small adjustments to your daily habits means way more meaningful connections - starting with the one between you and you!
Remember: You are designed for a life of freedom and LOVE. You don’t need a complicated and never ending healing journey in order to connect to your most confident joyful self. A simple but smart process is the best approach to using spirituality for your relationship wounds. It’s a holistic and lasting shift that simply replaces the old paradigm of effort, vigilance, and fear based thinking. Your goal? Make sure your relationship to yourself is UNSHAKABLE so no matter what shows up, you are clear, calm, and confident.
WANT TO LEARN HOW TO USE MY SIMPLE 3-PART SPIRITUAL HEALING PROCESS TO GO FROM HEAL-ING TO HEALED AND EXPERIENCE THE BLISS OF HIGH QUALITY CONNECTIONS WITH MINIMAL EFFORT?
CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT MY EXCLUSIVE SELF PACED RELATIONSHIP REVAMP INTENSIVE BETA TESTING GROUP WITH 1:1 ACCESS TO ME
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FINAL DEADLINE IS SEPT 15
Hey there, I'm Jess Magnan,
I'm a spiritual healing and relationship coach specializing in subconscious reprogramming and helping you to access the wisdom of your Higher Self so you can have healthy, lasting relationships.
